My New Year's Resolution...

So... I've decided that 2008 wasn't the best of years for me... it was actually one of the worst, if not worst years of my life. It just seemed as the year went on, things just kept on happening, and things just got worse. Don't get me wrong, the year started out pretty good. I was half way through nursing school, and Matt and I had just finished putting the finishing touches on our new, bigger place and we moved in late February. Then, everything just went downhill from there... here's how it went... My great uncle lost his battle with prostate cancer, I didn't make the grades in school so I was forced to drop out, I found out I was pregnant with twins and miscarried, Matt and I started having troubles, we broke up and I moved out and and got un-engaged (but we got back together a few weeks later), I didn't make the re-entry deadline to the nursing program in August, in November I found out I had blood clots in BOTH of my legs, and I failed the re-entrance exam into the Nursing program in December...
So... My Resolution for this year *2009* hopefully will go a little something like this... just to have a better year all together. I am joining 1-2-3 fit with my mom starting tomorrow, I am going to take classes at PJC towards my Associates degree until I can get back into the Nursing program or the Radiography program, I am going to try to save some money, hopefully get re-engaged and start planning a wedding, and hopefully Matt and I can start saving/looking for houses. Sounds like big plans, but hey, I'm 23 and I feel like instead of things getting better and me settling down its going in the opposite direction. I have no degree in anything, I've been in college for 4 years with nothing to show for it, and I went from having my own place with the love of my life for a year and a half, to living back at home, only seeing Matt on the weekends like it used to be way back when we first started dating, 6 years ago. It just feels like my life is going nowhere at the moment and I feel like I need something more. I just want to make this year the year that I accomplish a lot, and prove to everyone that I can do something, that I'm capable of having a better life, and able to provide for the ones that I love instead of the ones I love providing for me!!! So, *CHEERS*... heres to a new year, a new life, and to the future I have ahead of me :)

Well, as some of you know, the past 2 weeks have been surprising, horrifying, and very painful. Monday, November 24, 2008 started out pretty normal. I got up, showered, ate breakfast, got ready and headed to work. As the day went on, my left leg started to swell up like it does sometimes, but this time it was different. It started swelling faster than normal and I started to get this sharp stinging throbbing pain in my upper thigh. I thought "ok well maybe i pulled a muscle." So I took some Tylenol and went on with my day. When I got home that night I took a hot bath, elevated my legs and things seemed to go back to normal.... much to my surprise I woke up Tuesday with so much pain that I couldn't walk more than 5 or 10 steps then I had to rest. So, I took myself up to the Urgent Care clinic at West Florida Hospital to see one of the MDs there. In the back of my mind I was wondering what was going on... and all I could really think about was "what if its a blood clot?" since my mom and grandmother had gotten them in the past... well, my thinking was right. That's the first thing the doc said to me was "i'm pretty sure its a blood clot"... I immediately wanted to cry so much, but I held myself together until after he explained what the treatment was and what was going to happen. So... they wheeled me out in this wheelchair mean't for a 400 pound person... you could literally fit 3 of me in there! I went down to get an ultrasound of my left leg, but much to my surprise they found clots in both of my legs... the one they found in the right leg they say had been there for a while, probably atleast 6 months, but just was asymptomatic, and it was up near my hip. The one they found in my left leg was from foot to hip in my femoral artery and was a new clot. So... 10 hours in the emergency room later I got a CT scan to check if it was in my lungs or not, and thank goodness it wasn't! They immediately started me on Lovenox and Coumadin, both blood thinners. I had to be on the Lovenox for 13 days, and will stay on Coumadin for 6 months. The doctors think that I may have some kind for blood disorder that affects the clotting mechanisms in my body, and also that my birth control contributed to it too. Which they were baffled because I don't smoke, I'm active, and I'm not overweight. So, if you're reading this and are taking birth control... don't smoke, as your risks are higher... and don't ever say "it can't/won't happen to you..." because it can!!!

So basically, I've been out of work and off my feet for 2 weeks. I really can't describe the pain from this whole experience as anything else but excruciating. There's been times where I just wanna sleep all day cuz if I move it just gets worse. It's getting better a little bit more everyday, but I can't wait until the day that I don't have the pain anymore! It's been a scary journey, and I still wonder "why"... why me? This year hasn't been that great for me medically wise, and I just hope the new year brings happy things, and no more "medical" problems :)